En god latter?

One-liners er på mange måter en kunst. Enkelte stand up-komikere er eksperter på å levere vitser på denne måten. Mitch Hedberg har vært nevnt i bloggen tidligere, men det finnes mange som leverer. Gategutter gir dere her et utvalg snadder fra diverse komikere i form av one-liners (tja, det er strengt tatt flere enn en linje ofte, men det får vi godta). Morsomt er det hvert fall.

Eddie Izzard:

- I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Mitch Hedberg:

- My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

- Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

- Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

- My friend said to me, "I think the weather's trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought, "Man, I should have just said, 'Yeah.'"

- I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Fuck it, cut em up!"

- I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

- I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work.

- I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

- Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know because, what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got motherfucker! This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick something up!"

- I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."

- I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

- By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be...a thirsty dude! Gatorade forgets about this demographic!

- My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

- When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

- I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.

- I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

- I don't have any children but if I had a baby I would have to name it so I'd buy a "baby naming book". Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

- I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

- I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait.

- You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

- If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.

- Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

- My girl works at Hooters, in the kitchen.

- Somebody's got a hat they're not wearing... either that or that table's fucking hip.

- I'm an ice sculptor - last night i made a cube.

- I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.

- I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovy.

- A fly was very close to being called a "land," cause that's what they do half the time.

- I angered the clerk in a clothing shop today. She asked me what size I was and I said actual, because I am not to scale.

- I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

- You know when it comes to racism, people say: " I don't care if they're black, white, purple or green"... Ooh hold on now: Purple or Green? You gotta draw the line somewhere! To hell with purple people! - Unless they're suffocating - then help'em.

- I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,"Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were.


Dimitri Martin:

- The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

- Saying 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

- I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

- I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

- I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

- I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said "if you need anything, I'm Jill". I've never met anyone with a conditional identity before.



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